Sibling Rivalry and Baby Jealousy

by Kim Luckabaugh

Preparing Children for a New Baby
First, yes, you have many great reasons to be excited, but don't let the excitement take over your thoughts and words. That'll just make the kids insecure about their position with you. It's fine to show some excitement, but not every minute of every day.

Second, dealing with your child's security when he or she may be feeling like a replacement is on the way is really important. She needs to know that your love for her will never change. He wants to know that he'll always be you're "little man". Read more below:

Our son was almost two when his sister was born. He was so excited about the baby, which we found surprising. So, we worked on explaining to him what life with another child would be like. I had read a lot about jealousy problems with the new baby and didn't want to see some of these horror stories crop up in our home. So the brainwashing commenced as early as possible (please don't take that literally!)

We took each problem area and broke it down into individual concepts. Remember, you are the only one who knows your child and what he or she is capable of comprehending. The following suggestions are just that, suggestions. They worked for us, but I can't promise they will work for everyone. You will have to adapt them in a way that will work for your family.

"How do I make sure he doesn't think he's being replaced?" One way to counter this one is to affirm your child's special place in your family. This child is going to be the big brother or sister in a few months. One way to address this is, "Wow! You're getting to be such a big boy. You're going to be a great big brother! But you'll always be my baby boy and I'll always love you! No one will ever be able to take your place. And I don't want anyone to try because they can't do it! You are special. God made you in a special way and He didn't and won't make anybody like you!" You'll need to break some of this down into bite-sized tidbits depending on your child's age. I didn't dump all this on my son at one time.

"What if she thinks I love the baby more than her?" Same thought as above applies here. I addressed it by telling my son that he is so precious to me and will always be so precious to me. I also told him that little babies need a lot of mommy's time in taking care of them because they can't do anything for themselves. "So, when you see Mommy spending a lot of time with the baby, it's just because he or she can't do anything. I will give you special time just you and me when the baby is sleeping or able just to lie down and play by herself. And I bet she'll enjoy you trying to play with her and talking to her, too!".

"How do I prepare him for a permanent addition to our family?" This one can be really hard because of children's limited concept of time. Again, I'll share with you how I handled this one. "Sweetie, when the baby comes out of Mommy's tummy, she will come here and live with us. And the baby will always live with us. She won't be going back to the hospital when she cries too much. She will stay here every day and night!" I also took this opportunity to reiterate to him that "we all will love the baby very much, but we will also keep loving you very much, too!".

There's also one very important factor to remember is helping your children adjust to the new baby. Don't make the baby off limits to the older children. Let them hold the baby, with your assistance of course. Let them have a sense of "ownership" or connection, too. After all, this baby is their sibling, not just your son or daughter. I have heard many moms complain about the older child's jealousy of the new baby. Then I ask if the child has been able to touch and hold the baby. The answer has always been no, they're too afraid that the child will hurt the baby. If you are there monitoring the child's interaction with the baby, then nothing can happen. But making the baby off-limits will only make the green eyed monster worse.

I hope this helps you and your family enjoy the special arrival more happily! It's a very special time for all of you! Enjoy! Smaller items: Washcloths, diaper rash ointment/powder, nail clippers, nasal aspirator, baby wash/lotion/oil/shampoo, pacifiers, extra nipples for bottles, bottle brush, breastfeeding pads, burp cloths/ lap pads, bibs, receiving blankets, car seat head support (for newborns), toys & more toys.

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