Stretch Mark Creams; Good, Bad, Snake Oil?

Hi there Everyone,

True story time with Admin here on Sure Baby. I made it to my seventh month of pregnancy with no stretch marks at all. Not a single one. I thought I was out of the woods and would be able to wear a bikini again when I finally had my wee baby and lost the baby weight. {Note- still working on losing the baby weight...kinda}
Then one day, I stood up and felt the need to stretch out my back, so I raised my arms above my head and had a lovely long stretch like a cat in a sunbeam. Then I sneezed and felt a zip zip zip down my belly.

I lifted my shirt to see that my previously smooth belly bump now looked like a hideous, red lined, 3D graphic of a brain. You see, I had clenched my abdominal muscles when I sneezed, as people naturally do, when anticipating a really good sneeze and that apparently was enough to give me a sensation not unlike the unzipping of a really big zipper down my belly.

I had been using a really expensive stretch mark cream several times a day up to this point to prevent stretch marks and thought that I had this all covered.

Naturally I was really upset. So, now I went to the pharmacy to find a stretch mark cream that focused on repair rather than prevention. Surprise, surprise, they all were the same.... so of course I bought four different kinds and used them through the day, EVERY day, in a desperate bid to fade the ugly little suckers.

Did they work?
Nope.

Did they fade the stretch marks?
Nope.

Did I lose faith in the cosmetics industry after that?
Little bit.

Long story short; I now have lovely pearly little squiggles all over my belly where the vicious red has faded but the stretch marks tend to sparkle like Edward Cullen's skin in the sunshine. I think it is mostly to do with your genetics, how hydrated you are, what you eat, how healthy your pregnancy has been and quite frankly, sheer dumb luck.

Have you got any stretch marks yet?

Have you found any creams that seem to actually work? Please share and save other Moms from my agony (okay, it isn't agony, but I would like to wear something other than a tankini these days!)