The Perfectionist Child

It is hard raising children period, with different personalities clashing with one another, but a very interesting personality trait that is often times hard to deal with is the perfectionist child. This is the child that gets into trouble with his teacher at school because he takes forever to finish his work in order to do it over and over, again. This is the child that throws a tantrum because you don't make his sandwiches a certain way or because he can't tie his shoes "correctly". This child may not realize it, but he is a perfectionist, and it takes a unique parenting approach to raise him with a positive outlook on life.

There is nothing wrong with a perfectionist child. In fact, it is a good character trait to have, however challenging. It means he is already bred to be a high achiever and will strive to make things happen. It may be frustrating at times to deal with the perfectionist child's quirks and constant self esteem issues.

It is most important that you do not invalidate his feelings. Perfectionist children will not respond well to statements such as, "Oh, it's no big deal," or "No, do it this way." The perfectionist child has a picture in his mind of how things are supposed to be, and to change that picture will take much coaxing and appealing to the logical part of the child's mind.

One way you can encourage flexibility early on with children is to be a model of imperfection. This may seem like an anti-parenting approach, but it is useful in showing that you are not perfect and make mistakes, and it's a natural way of life. This encourages the child to accept the mistakes he makes and move on, instead of getting "stuck" in one infuriating place, trying to do the same thing over and over to get it perfectly right.

The perfectionist child's problem may jump into view most obviously in the school environment, and sometimes it may be necessary to schedule a parent-teacher conference to discuss your child's issues and how to deal with them. Discuss not patronizing the child, or getting frustrated with him, as this will heighten the problem, but helping him to calm down and discuss what is troubling him.

Keeping a calm disposition is the key to dealing with the perfectionist child. If you raise your voice, even a little bit, you are encourage the idea that a mistake is unacceptable and must be dealt with at haste. This is not healthy for the perfectionist child. He needs to learn to take a step back and be able to regard other solutions rather than just one way of fixing the problem. Patience is not one of his strong points. Another way to encourage him is to actually listen to what he is saying and reflect back to his statements, so he feels validated.

It is an interesting balance training a perfectionist child, because you want him to be self-reliant, but at the same time, lessen some of the heightened perfectionist tendencies in his personality, so life won't be so unnecessarily complicated for him. If you keep on him and work on keeping him stable and grounded, he should grow to be a well-balanced adult.

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